The Atheist Blogger

Hemant at Friendly Atheist posted this list of things that every hardcore atheist should have done. I’ve bolded the ones that I’ve achieved, and provided the commentary on how I did them (or why I didn’t as the case may be).

1. Participated in the Blasphemy Challenge. – Had I had a webcam at the time and knew about it, I would have been the first person to do so. I’m thinking about starting video blogging again, so that might be a good introductory video.
2. Met at least one of the “Four Horsemen” (Richard Dawkins, Daniel Dennett, Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris) in person. – They have always alluded me, although I’m sure I’ll meet one of them one day.
3. Created an atheist blog. – You are reading it!
4. Used the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a religious debate with someone. – Almost every debate has me comparing a fictitious God to another fictitious God (usually the FSM, but sometimes I use the IPU)
5. Gotten offended when someone called you an agnostic. – Before I learned that I was agnostic…sure, but luckily now I know that atheism and agnosticism are not mutually exclusive.
6. Been unable to watch Growing Pains reruns because of Kirk Cameron. – I never watched them anyway, and I’d be even less likely to watch them now!
7. Own more Bibles than most Christians you know. – I read the bible online. That way I know I’m not profiting a Christian organisation, and I’m actually costing them their bandwidth whilst I read.
8. Have at least one Bible with your personal annotations regarding contradictions, disturbing parts, etc. – Skeptics annotated Bible is good enough for me :)
9. Have come out as an atheist to your family. – And after I did this, my entire family came out as atheists to me! Go Hayters!
10. Attended a campus or off-campus atheist gathering. – I usually start them!
11. Are a member of an organized atheist/Humanist/etc. organization. – Secular Student Alliance, and London Atheists Meetup Group
12. Had a Humanist wedding ceremony. – Fuck “humanist”, my wedding will be so atheist it won’t even have a person overseeing it, and there will be a free baby buffet afterwards!
13. Donated money to an atheist organization. – BHA for their awesome bus campaign!
14. Have a bookshelf dedicated solely to Richard Dawkins. – I have an entire shelf dedicated to Dawkins, Hitchens, Dennett, and Harris…so I reckon I get quadruple points for that.
15. Lost the friendship of someone you know because of your non-theism. – A recent debate on facebook with an old friend who went completely fundamentalist has led to me never wanting to see him again.
16. Tried to argue or have a discussion with someone who stopped you on the street to proselytize. – A Jehovah’s witness gave me a flyer a month or so ago and if I weren’t in a hurry I would have discussed it at long length with him.
17. Hid your atheist beliefs on a first date because you didn’t want to scare him/her away. – In the past I would have, but I wouldn’t be able to date someone I knew believed absolute nonsense.
18. Own a stockpile of atheist paraphernalia (bumper stickers, buttons, shirts, etc). – I have flyers from the Brights, and numerous t-shirts supporting atheism and the FSM.
19. Attended a protest that involved religion. – We don’t really have them in this country, although with the Islamic law courts in action we will probably have a few more…
20. Attended an atheist conference. – Next year’s SSA conference is something I am going to try and attend, so that will be my first.
21. Subscribe to Pat Condell’s YouTube channel. – Did this ages ago!
22. Started an atheist group in your area or school. – I started 3. Technically they were the same organisation, but under completely different names and with difference agendas…
23. Successfully “de-converted” someone to atheism. – I certainly helped people towards atheism, whether it was my reasoning or them reading into more arguments against theism that was the overall push factor is unknown.
24. Have already made plans to donate your body to science after you die. – I plan to one day. It’s just something I’ve never got around to, but I’ve probably got time left. N.B. If I die tomorrow, count this as my permission…
25. Told someone you’re an atheist only because you wanted to see the person’s reaction. – All the fucking time.
    
26. Had to think twice before screaming “Oh God!” during sex. Or you said something else in its place. – I personally prefer the Colbert “Ohhh Darwin!” in bed, but of course if I actively had to think about what I was saying during sex, then the sex would have to be pretty boring, and that wouldn’t do now would it?
27. Lost a job because of your atheism. – In England this is unheard of. I reckon it’s probably assumed you are a rational person when you get a job…
28. Formed a bond with someone specifically because of your mutual atheism (meeting this person at a local gathering or conference doesn’t count). – A guy I met online randomly in a game of Halo 2 a few years ago revealed that he was an atheist, and I think that probably helped our friendship a lot.
29. Have crossed “In God We Trust” off of — or put a pro-church-state-separation stamp on — dollar bills. – No, but I have drawn a moustache and beard on the Queen.
30. Refused to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. – Naturally, seeing as I’m English. I do refuse to sing the National Anthem though. “God save our gracious queen”? No! Fuck them both!
31. Said “Gesundheit!” (or nothing at all) after someone sneezed because you didn’t want to say “Bless you!” – The correct atheist response is “You!” of course.
32. Have ever chosen not to clasp your hands together out of fear someone might think you’re praying. -  I usually clasp them together and then clap the fingertips together in deep thought so people look and say “Better not disturb him…genius at work”.
33. Have turned on Christian TV because you need something entertaining to watch. – YouTube is full of entertaining stuff, the fundies rank at the top.
34. Are a 2^nd or 3^rd (or more) generation atheist. – Considering I’m the guy who de-converted my mother, I’d say no. Surely I should get double points here for escaping the clutches of religion, and then pulling my mother from its evil grasp as well?
35. Have “atheism” listed on your Facebook or dating profile — and not a euphemistic variant. - Naturally, I am who I am.
36. Attended an atheist’s funeral (i.e. a non-religious service). – I’ll attend my own, although if I have it my way what is left of my body (after science has had a good look) will be cremated and thrown somewhere to rot (lets help the carbon cycle out).
37. Subscribe to an freethought magazine (e.g. Free Inquiry, Skeptic) -  No, I read online. Less money for a poor student!
38. Have been interviewed by a reporter because of your atheism. – Nope, but then in this country that isn’t that unusual.
    
39. Written a letter-to-the-editor about an issue related to your non-belief in God. – I’ve written several articles for my student paper about my atheism.
40. Gave a friend or acquaintance a New Atheist book as a gift. – No, I think they’d probably prefer alcohol.
41. Wear pro-atheist clothing in public. – I like wearing the “Thank God I’m an atheist” t-shirt a lot.
42. Have invited Mormons/Jehovah’s Witnesses into your house specifically because you wanted to argue with them. – No, they usually turn up anyway.
43. Have been physically threatened (or beaten up) because you didn’t believe in God. – Verbals threats sure, but unless you count Christians telling me I will burn in hell, then no.
44. Receive Google Alerts on “atheism” (or variants). – I read enough blogs to know the latest atheism news!
45. Received fewer Christmas presents than expected because people assumed you didn’t celebrate it. – Most people realise Christmas isn’t a Christian holiday over here, so that has never happened.
46. Visited The Creation Museum or saw Ben Stein’s Expelled just so you could keep tabs on the “enemy.” – Ben Stein’s “Expelled” was hilarious, and even better with lie-correcting subtitles.
47. Refuse to tell anyone what your “sign” is… because it doesn’t matter at all. – If I started bowing to ridiculous superstition I would be quite a big hypocrite now wouldn’t I?
48. Are on a mailing list for a Christian organization just so you can see what they’re up to… – Seeing as they all just repeat the same stuff over and over you only have to read the news for a year before knowing what they will be doing next year. I’m looking forward to the war on Christmas in 2012…should be a good one!
49. Have kept your eyes open while you watched others around you pray. – People have the funniest expressions when talking to imaginary friends.
50. Avoid even Unitarian churches because they’re too close to religion for you. – Religion should be kept out of society. Trying to bring together people of different beliefs only results in disaster.

Adding up the points, I get 33 out of 50 (I counted my bookshelf dedicated to the four horsemen as 4 points, and escaping religion and converting my mother as an extra 2). So I’m 66% hardcore atheist which I don’t think is that bad, and is only one 6 off the number of the beast, so that automatically makes me even more hardcore, which in turn nullifies the original cause of the increase in hardcorality, and thus creates a self-replicating paradox from which nobody can possibly escape…

I think way too much.