The Atheist Blogger

I’ve been involved in a few discussions recently over the subject of blasphemy. Not the “I don’t believe in gods” blasphemy, but the kind that people use when they are upset, angry, of even happy. I’ll give a few examples:

• “Thank God!” (usually said when happy and something has gone your way, or when you are relieved)
• “For God’s sake!” (usually said when upset/angry/frustrated)
• “Jesus Christ!” (usually said when angry)
• “Goddammit!” (usually said when angry)
• “God Bless You!” or “Bless You!” (usually said after someone sneezes)

I’m pretty sure I have said all of these at some point during my life, even as an atheist. I do try to cut down on them or substitute in more “atheistic” swears instead. The reason being that I don’t want to go around saying I am an atheist and then start swearing as if I believe in God.

I haven’t got perfect swears yet, but here are my atheist versions of the above.

• “Thank goodness!” or “Thank fuck!” (I see nothing wrong with thanking human goodness, even if it is just a vague concept. Same goes for thanking our method of reproduction/recreation)
• “For fucks sake” or “For FSM’s sake” (the latter I use mainly online since getting it into normal conversation is a bit tricky, what with the amount of syllables and the fact that nobody I seem to say it to knows what an “FSM” is.
• “Jeez” (Not the best alternative swear available I admit)
• “Darn it!” (Darning is a sowing technique, so you get double points for saying it in a situation where you have just poked a needle through your finger)
• As for the last one, I am properly confused. The whole history around the “God Bless You” statement apparently derives from people thinking that sneezing was fatal and that anyone sneezing would die. These days, even though we know that sneezing isn’t fatal, we still have to say something or it appears that we are being impolite. This presents a few problems. Changing it to “Bless You” gets rid of the God element, but the whole immaterial concept of blessing is still in play. It seems obvious that this should too be removed. Unfortunately this leads to some bizarre conversations.

Person: *Aaaaachoooo*

Me: You!

Person: Eh? Me?

Me: Have a nice day! *walks off*

Person: ???

So what do other atheists think of the whole blasphemy thing? What atheist alternatives does everyone else have? Do you use them all the time or do you occasionally slip back into God-mode? Is there a practical response to sneezing that doesn’t relate to superstition?

CapnOAwesome shows us how to make a sandwich that can only be enjoyed by people who don’t follow the doctrines of Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, or Hinduism. If you are an atheist, you can enjoy this sandwich!

If anyone wants the ingredients, there they are:

• French Bread (because France is a very secular country)
• Alcohol (for drinking whilst you cook, but it’s also forbidden by Islam)
• Bacon (forbidden by Islam, Judaism, and Buddhism)
• Cheese (when used with meat this is forbidden by Judaism)
• Beef (forbidden by Hinduism and Buddhism)

Finally write “Fuck Jesus” or some other sort of blasphemy against Jesus on the sandwich using mustard or mayo, and you’ve offended Christianity :D