The Atheist Blogger

After 326 complaints, numerous calls of “blasphemy” by Steven Green of Christian Voice, and a bigot who refused to do the job he is paid for, the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) have decided that the current atheist adverts are not illegal and do not break advertising code. Let’s look over some of the claims made:

“The wording is offensive to religious people”

Response: The wording told you to “stop worrying” and “enjoy your life”. It didn’t say there was no God, nor that you are a fool for believing in God, nor that religion leads to evil. The message was clear; people shouldn’t spend so much time worrying about their “afterlife” when it might not exist, and spend more time having a good time.

“The advert is misleading because you cannot prove there probably isn’t a God”

Response: Neither can you prove there probably is. If Christian adverts can get away with claiming that not only is there a God, but said God will send you to hell for eternity for not believing, then atheist adverts can get away with “there probably isn’t”. The advert isn’t meant to prove anything; it is an opinion on the existence of God, and so like the infamous Carlsberg “probably the best beer in the world” adverts, it is void from objective substantiation.

“The adverts cannot be held as opinion because nobody is attributed to them”

Response: Actually, three groups are held as attributers in the form of links: humanism.org.uk, richarddawkins.net, and atheistcampaign.org. The advert is clearly the opinion of those groups and whoever supports those groups (or agrees with the advert itself). There is no difference between the opinion stated in this advert and the opinions stated in Christian adverts which are attributed to the Bible. Oh wait…there is a difference; the atheist adverts are accurate reflections of reality.

Sorry Christians, better luck next time.

I’ve been involved in a few discussions recently over the subject of blasphemy. Not the “I don’t believe in gods” blasphemy, but the kind that people use when they are upset, angry, of even happy. I’ll give a few examples:

• “Thank God!” (usually said when happy and something has gone your way, or when you are relieved)
• “For God’s sake!” (usually said when upset/angry/frustrated)
• “Jesus Christ!” (usually said when angry)
• “Goddammit!” (usually said when angry)
• “God Bless You!” or “Bless You!” (usually said after someone sneezes)

I’m pretty sure I have said all of these at some point during my life, even as an atheist. I do try to cut down on them or substitute in more “atheistic” swears instead. The reason being that I don’t want to go around saying I am an atheist and then start swearing as if I believe in God.

I haven’t got perfect swears yet, but here are my atheist versions of the above.

• “Thank goodness!” or “Thank fuck!” (I see nothing wrong with thanking human goodness, even if it is just a vague concept. Same goes for thanking our method of reproduction/recreation)
• “For fucks sake” or “For FSM’s sake” (the latter I use mainly online since getting it into normal conversation is a bit tricky, what with the amount of syllables and the fact that nobody I seem to say it to knows what an “FSM” is.
• “Jeez” (Not the best alternative swear available I admit)
• “Darn it!” (Darning is a sowing technique, so you get double points for saying it in a situation where you have just poked a needle through your finger)
• As for the last one, I am properly confused. The whole history around the “God Bless You” statement apparently derives from people thinking that sneezing was fatal and that anyone sneezing would die. These days, even though we know that sneezing isn’t fatal, we still have to say something or it appears that we are being impolite. This presents a few problems. Changing it to “Bless You” gets rid of the God element, but the whole immaterial concept of blessing is still in play. It seems obvious that this should too be removed. Unfortunately this leads to some bizarre conversations.

Person: *Aaaaachoooo*

Me: You!

Person: Eh? Me?

Me: Have a nice day! *walks off*

Person: ???

So what do other atheists think of the whole blasphemy thing? What atheist alternatives does everyone else have? Do you use them all the time or do you occasionally slip back into God-mode? Is there a practical response to sneezing that doesn’t relate to superstition?

CapnOAwesome shows us how to make a sandwich that can only be enjoyed by people who don’t follow the doctrines of Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, or Hinduism. If you are an atheist, you can enjoy this sandwich!

If anyone wants the ingredients, there they are:

• French Bread (because France is a very secular country)
• Alcohol (for drinking whilst you cook, but it’s also forbidden by Islam)
• Bacon (forbidden by Islam, Judaism, and Buddhism)
• Cheese (when used with meat this is forbidden by Judaism)
• Beef (forbidden by Hinduism and Buddhism)

Finally write “Fuck Jesus” or some other sort of blasphemy against Jesus on the sandwich using mustard or mayo, and you’ve offended Christianity :D