The Atheist Blogger

Geoff Arnold discovered a great meme recently, so I thought I’d have a go.

Things you have done during your lifetime:
(X) Gone on a blind date
(X) Skipped school (many a time)
(X) Watched someone die (my gran)
(X) Been to Canada (when I was 1, but it counts dammit!)
( ) Been to Mexico
(X) Been to Florida
( ) Been to Hawaii
(X) Been on a plane (more times than I can remember)
(X) Been on a helicopter (once, and it was so noisy I don’t think I’d do it again)
(X) Been lost (all the time; it’s why I have GPS on my phone…)
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean (Atlantic, Pacific, and Indian. Got Arctic and Antarctic left!…on second thoughts…perhaps not)
( ) Cried yourself to sleep
(X) Played cops and robbers
( ) Recently colored with crayons (I use board markers these days)
( ) Sang Karaoke
(X) Paid for a meal with coins only
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(X) Been to the top of the Empire State Building (froze my fingers as well)
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t. (whatever you do Adrian, don’t make an atheist blog…oh f*ck)
(X) Made prank phone calls
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose (annoyingly yes)
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
( ) Danced in the rain-naked
(X) Gone skinny dipping
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus (back when I was an irrational boy)
(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sunrise with someone (watched it in Australia at the new millenium, so before most of the world!)
( ) Paid it forward
(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Gone ice-skating (didn’t do much skating. Falling?…plenty)
(X) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Driven across the United States (want to though)
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
( ) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(X) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
(X) Seen the Statue of Liberty
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
( ) Been on a cruise (going on a Nile cruise in August)
(X) Traveled by train
( ) Traveled by motorcycle
( ) Been horseback riding
( ) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
(X) Been to Disneyland OR Disney World
(X) Been in a rain forest (another thing I did in Australia)
( ) Seen whales in the ocean
( ) Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Ridden on an elephant
(X) Ridden on a camel (Australia again…)
(X) Swam with dolphins (…and again)
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calf
( ) Been spinnaker flying
( ) Been water-skiing
(X) Been snow-skiing
(X) Been to Westminster Abbey
(X) Been to the Louvre
( ) Been to a bull fight in Spain (had the chance, outright refused to. Bloodsports are evil)
(X) Swam in the Mediterranean
( ) Been to a Major League Baseball game
( ) Been to a National Football League game
(X) Been moved to tears
(X) Done something to change someone else’s life

37 out of 70. Not bad for a 20 year old eh? I’m tagging everyone who reckons they can do better, and I want evidence people!

Something for all you programming atheists out there…

C would be Judaism – it’s old and restrictive, but most of the world is familiar with its laws and respects them. The catch is, you can’t convert into it – you’re either into it from the start, or you will think that it’s insanity. Also, when things go wrong, many people are willing to blame the problems of the world on it.

Java would be Fundamentalist Christianity – it’s theoretically based on C, but it voids so many of the old laws that it doesn’t feel like the original at all. Instead, it adds its own set of rigid rules, which its followers believe to be far superior to the original. Not only are they certain that it’s the best language in the world, but they’re willing to burn those who disagree at the stake.

PHP would be Cafeteria Christianity – Fights with Java for the web market. It draws a few concepts from C and Java, but only those that it really likes. Maybe it’s not as coherent as other languages, but at least it leaves you with much more freedom and ostensibly keeps the core idea of the whole thing. Also, the whole concept of “goto hell” was abandoned.

C++ would be Islam – It takes C and not only keeps all its laws, but adds a very complex new set of laws on top of it. It’s so versatile that it can be used to be the foundation of anything, from great atrocities to beautiful works of art. Its followers are convinced that it is the ultimate universal language, and may be angered by those who disagree. Also, if you insult it or its founder, you’ll probably be threatened with death by more radical followers.

C# would be Mormonism – At first glance, it’s the same as Java, but at a closer look you realize that it’s controlled by a single corporation (which many Java followers believe to be evil), and that many theological concepts are quite different. You suspect that it’d probably be nice, if only all the followers of Java wouldn’t discriminate so much against you for following it.

Lisp would be Zen Buddhism – There is no syntax, there is no centralization of dogma, there are no deities to worship. The entire universe is there at your reach – if only you are enlightened enough to grasp it. Some say that it’s not a language at all; others say that it’s the only language that makes sense.

Haskell would be Taoism – It is so different from other languages that many people don’t understand how can anyone use it to produce anything useful. Its followers believe that it’s the true path to wisdom, but that wisdom is beyond the grasp of most mortals.

Erlang would be Hinduism – It’s another strange language that doesn’t look like it could be used for anything, but unlike most other modern languages, it’s built around the concept of multiple simultaneous deities.

Perl would be Voodoo – An incomprehensible series of arcane incantations that involve the blood of goats and permanently corrupt your soul. Often used when your boss requires you to do an urgent task at 21:00 on friday night.

Lua would be Wicca – A pantheistic language that can easily be adapted for different cultures and locations. Its code is very liberal, and allows for the use of techniques that might be described as magical by those used to more traditional languages. It has a strong connection to the moon.

Ruby would be Neo-Paganism – A mixture of different languages and ideas that was beaten together into something that might be identified as a language. Its adherents are growing fast, and although most people look at them suspiciously, they are mostly well-meaning people with no intention of harming anyone.

Python would be Humanism: It’s simple, unrestrictive, and all you need to follow it is common sense. Many of the followers claim to feel relieved from all the burden imposed by other languages, and that they have rediscovered the joy of programming. There are some who say that it is a form of pseudo-code.

COBOL would be Ancient Paganism – There was once a time when it ruled over a vast region and was important, but nowadays it’s almost dead, for the good of us all. Although many were scarred by the rituals demanded by its deities, there are some who insist on keeping it alive even today.

APL would be Scientology – There are many people who claim to follow it, but you’ve always suspected that it’s a huge and elaborate prank that got out of control.

LOLCODE would be Pastafarianism – An esoteric, Internet-born belief that nobody really takes seriously, despite all the efforts to develop and spread it.

Visual Basic would be Satanism - Except that you don’t REALLY need to sell your soul to be a Satanist…

I’m a bit upset that the programming language I use most of all (Java) is actually fundamentalist Christianity, but I’m glad a powerful language like Python gets to be Humanism, and LOLCODE is Pastafarianism! Also, if I chose my “religion” by my favourite programming language, I would be a Neo-Pagan…slightly odd eh?

Thanks to Aegisub

Sean the Blogonaut posted an open-invitation book meme:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 56.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next seven sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don’t dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.

The closest book to me was one just perched off the end of my bookcase: The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy by Douglas Adams. It was quite literally the closest piece of literature to me in my room, and it also just happened to be my favourite book (so I luckily avoid #5).

What happens next is strangely ironic given the content of this blog. I opened the book to page 56, and was greeted with the popular argument against God (the one about the Babel fish). The next 7 sentences read:

`”Oh dear,” says God, “I hadn’t thought of that,” and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

`”Oh, that was easy,” says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing.

`Most leading theologians claim this argument is a load of dingo’s kidneys, but that didn’t stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best-selling book Well That About Wraps It Up For God.

`Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.`

Arthur let out a low groan. He was horrified to discover that the kick through hyperspace hadn’t killed him. He was now six light-years from the place that the Earth would have been if it still existed.

Now I realise I’ve already tagged some people this week in an earlier meme, so I’m going to tag absolutely everyone who reads this post. If you are reading this and you own a blog, it is now your internet duty to carry the meme torch that little bit further.

Lets suspend from atheism, religion, and related topics for a few moments. I have an announcement that could possibly change your life.

WATCH TROPIC THUNDER

Seriously, go to the movie theater, download it, I don’t care how you get it. Just go and see this film. It is quite possibly the comedy of the year, perhaps the decade. I kid you not, it is GENIUS!!! Robert Downey Jr. OMFSM!!! Sooooo good!!!

Ok, back to normal now. God sucks, religion is evil. Atheism FTW!

(Just go see the movie)