The Atheist Blogger » humour

YouTube Thursday – Mr. Deity, Neil deGrasse Tyson, and Richard Wiseman

Adrian Hayter — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 22:00:57 +0000

The internet was screwy yesterday so I didn’t get to make this post, but this morning we got 50MB internet in the house, which is amazing! So anyway, here are the videos I meant to post yesterday but didn’t:

Mr .Deity is a hilarious series of shorts that gradually but effectively tear apart Christianity and the Bible. This one (from series 3) deals with the contradictions in the Bible such as the virgin birth, and the multiple genealogies of Jesus.

Second up is a great explanation from Neil deGrasse Tyson about why the world will not end in 2012…or any other year in the recent future for that matter.

Finally, a video by Richard Wiseman explaining a quick personality test to do right in fron of your computer. Richard Wiseman is a celebrated psychologist who performed a test of psychic power over Twitter about a month back. You can follow him on Twitter as well as read his blog!

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Church of the Smashing Orangey Bit Responds to Atheist & Christian Billboards

Adrian Hayter — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 23:01:03 +0000

Christians have recently begun putting billboards up claiming that the separation of church and state is not what the Founding Fathers wanted for America. This is actually quite true, since it is a well established fact in the Church of the Smashing Orangey Bit that both George Washington & Thomas Jefferson were devout Jaffalots. Far from wanting a separation of church and state, the Founding Fathers wanted a joining of the “state and cake” to honour McVities forever.

However, fundamentalist Christians stormed the proceedings, rewriting the constitution, and sending back all the Jaffa Cakes to England. This event is now known as the Boston Tea Party, because it was yet again covered up by Christian fundamentalists. By telling the population that the boxes contained tea, they tricked everyone into a riot, until no Jaffa Cakes remained and the snack was forgotten.

In retribution for this terrible event, the Church of the Smashing Orangey Bit has decided to put up our own billboards to counter the atheist and Christian versions. People may have forgotten the joining of state and cake, they may have forgotten Jaffa Cakes, but they will not forget McVities!

Thou shalt not eat Communion wafers.

Follow church updates on Twitter, and help stop this oppression of history!

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The Abrahamic God

Adrian Hayter — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 22:00:56 +0000

Series 3 of “That Mitchell and Webb Look” is definitely more anti-religious and atheistic than previous seasons. Last week I blogged about two sketches they’d done; one mocking the religious’ ability to spot godly messages in pieces of toast, and the other a blatant criticism of the unscientific nature and sheer mystic nature of Homeopathy. This week, they made a great attack on the god of the Old Testament:

My favourite bit? When Abraham says…

If I thought it was wrong?!? Like I’d know! Like I have any chance of forming an independent basis of right and wrong outside the instructions of some supervisory being! No Lord, I am your bitch!

A very good summation of the position the God of the Old Testament plays in the Bible I thought. I mean here is a God who supposedly gives us our moral values, and yet sets us up in the Garden of Eden so that our God-given curiosity gives him a good excuse to chuck us out. He then proceeds in a way that would be even the most thieving, scheming, adulterous murderer blush, before coming down to Earth in human form to tell us to stop acting so horribly to one another…

I mean, talk about hypocritical; the God of the Bible could be beaten in a morality contest by every single human being on the planet. Even Hitler would have a hard time losing to such acts of genocide; in fact I’d go as far to say that even if you combined all the immoral actions of humans into one universal immorality score, it would be a fraction of the value the Abrahamic god would get.

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Creationism Caption Competition #1 – Results

Adrian Hayter — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 18:49:21 +0000

Last week I held a competition to find the best caption for a creationist photo.I got plenty of entries, which either means people loved the concept or they didn’t mind having no prize (unless a graffitied copy of Ray Comfort’s latest book counts as a prize). I’m still open to prize suggestions that can fit in with a student budget, and I want to continue this competition as it’s great fun watching people come up with captions for creationists and their silly antics.

Anyway, here are the top 5 best captions as selected by me:

Losing… Grip… On reality!

- Bruce

Just a theory, GRAVITY is just a THEORY!

- Edward

*David Attenborough voice* And here we see the creationist in its natural environment, between a rock and a hard place. We can tell it is of the young earth breed due to the way it reaches, grasping for straws but only clasps thin air…

- BastardSheep

All right, PZ, you win! I will give you that damn iPod Touch!

- James Tracy

Things went from bad to worse when, as the bright light at the end of the tunnel cleared, Eric Hovind saw glorious Valhalla in all its splendor.

- Janus Graydon

So congratulations to Janus Graydon of extheist.net, you have won the first Creationism Caption Competition! Without further ado, here is the caption and photo put together at last:

Things went from bad to worse when, as the bright light at the end of the tunnel cleared, Eric Hovind saw glorious Valhalla in all its splendor.

Keep your eyes peeled for a new caption competition in a few weeks, and feel free to send in suggestions of captionless photos!

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Atheist Nexus Has a New Chat System

Adrian Hayter — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 23:41:42 +0000

The popular social networking site for atheists has been experimenting with new chat systems. The first has the ability for chat participants to post urls to videos on video sharing sites like YouTube, and everyone in the chat can view them with a built-in player. The only problem with this chat is that the area for chatting is made tiny by the video player, and there is no way of resizing it.

The second chat was released today, and has a much better interface. Firstly, it has the ability for users to use video/audio to chat. You can choose who you want to listen to, adding multiple people to a special â€œdockâ€ which holds a maximum of 4. All of the interface is collapsible, so getting a larger area for chatting takes only a few clicks. The chat has already made some big impressions on Atheist Nexus users:

I think itâ€™s a very interactive way to talk to Austrians about how they arenâ€™t British. I also think itâ€™s a great way for Adrian to say things that he doesnâ€™t realise can be taken out of context to make him sound like a child molester on Twitter. Itâ€™s great fun, and if Adrian one day runs for British government, I will be able to blackmail him and Iâ€™ll be that much closer to becoming the Queen of England. – Splendid Elles

A female user named Cassie said the interface was like:

Fist-fucking.

Patch had this to say:

Incest – Patch has been banned.

Finally, Edwin the Drummer admitted of the interface:

Itâ€™s pretty cool.

So with all those rave reviews in mind, head over to Atheist Nexus to register and come chat!

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British Slang

Adrian Hayter — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 16:52:55 +0000

Absolutely nothing to do with atheism, but I had this idea after watching a clip of Hugh Laurie on the Ellen DeGeneres show, and after finding the â€œList of British words not widely used in the United Statesâ€ article on Wikipedia. Basically this is for my US readers, can you match up the British slang to the meanings? After youâ€™ve attempted to match them all up, click the â€œShow Answersâ€ button (JavaScript needed) and see how you did!

The Slang

manky
minger
chav
pear-shaped
bugger all
argy-bargy
throw a wobbly
higgledy-piggledy
take the piss
knackered
spot on
chuffed
jammy git
footie
fringe
boffin
rat-arsed
bobâ€™s your uncle
witter
gobsmacked

The Meanings

to go drastically or dramatically wrong
itâ€™s that simple
exhausted
in disarray
utterly astonished
scientist or engineer, geek, nerd
proud, satisfied, pleased
exactly
to make fun of somebody
to continue to talk trivially about a subject long after the audienceâ€™s interest has gone
to lose oneâ€™s temper
little or nothing at all
slob, someone who is unattractive
extremely drunk
typically a working class person of lowish intelligence who wears designer label copies and is a trouble-maker
football (soccer)
bangs, as in describing collective strands of hair covering part or all of the forehead
pushing-and-shoving or outright fighting
feeling ill, rough, out of sorts; filthy, dirty, rotten.
lucky person

manky – feeling ill, rough, out of sorts; filthy, dirty, rotten.
minger – slob, someone who is unattractive
chav – typically a working class person of lowish intelligence who wears designer label copies and is a trouble-maker
pear-shaped – to go drastically or dramatically wrong
bugger all – little or nothing at all
argy-bargy – pushing-and-shoving or outright fighting
throw a wobbly – to lose oneâ€™s temper
higgledy-piggledy – in disarray
take the piss – to make fun of somebody
knackered – exhausted
spot on – exactly
chuffed – proud, satisfied, pleased
jammy git – lucky person
footie – football (soccer)
fringe – bangs, as in describing collective strands of hair covering part or all of the forehead
boffin – scientist or engineer, geek, nerd
rat-arsed – extremely drunk
bobâ€™s your uncle – itâ€™s that simple
witter – to continue to talk trivially about a subject long after the audienceâ€™s interest has gone
gobsmacked – utterly astonished

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Carnival of the Godless #110

Adrian Hayter — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 00:51:45 +0000

Adrian Hayter: Now available in CANDY!!!

The latest Carnival of the Godless is up at The Greenbelt, so go over there and check it out! Every member of the carnival (myself included) got a little love heart made for them in honour of the quickly approaching Valentine’s Day. Speaking of which, this Valentine’s Day I will be in London visiting the Darwin Exhibition at the Natural History Museum, and then I will be marching to the Italian Embassy to protest the medieval attitudes of the Vatican have against women and homosexuals. I’ll be taking photos at both events, and hopefully I’ll be able to link my blog to my facebook albums easily thanks to a new plugin I’m trying out.

Anyway, the next CotG is arriving here in two weeks time on the 22nd Feb, so don’t forget to send me your submissions! See you then (if not before).

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Epic Translation Fail

Adrian Hayter — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 21:00:24 +0000

Human error will always be the bane of technology, and the more people who look at something, the more errors will be found. This is certainly shown to be true when you compare something like Windows to Linux (the latter being more stable and secure because of all the people who can look at the code). Another example cropped up in Wales the other day:

Lost in translation...

For those who don’t live in the UK, Welsh road signs are put in both English and Welsh since both are official languages of the country, and us English-born chaps are too arrogant to learn Welsh. The English in the sign above is perfectly readable. Unfortunately the Welsh reads:

I am not in the office at the moment. Please send any work to be translated.

Apparently the English people who make the signs needed a translation and emailed what was needed to their Swansea council colleagues. The “out of office” auto-response replied, and they assumed this was the translation they needed.

Of course, there are two people at fault here. Firstly there are the people who make Welsh road signs and yet don’t have anyone who speaks Welsh on their team, or anyone to confirm the translation. Secondly, the person who thinks that out of office auto-responses should only be in Welsh, when they know full well that people are emailing them for translations.

It’s common sense really…*sigh*.

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My Review Of Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed

Adrian Hayter — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 22:00:26 +0000

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed

Now that “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed” has come out on DVD, it seemed only right that I watched it to see what all the fuss was about. For those who are unaware, Expelled is a science fiction thriller that revolves around a post-Nazi, communist Darwinian world, ruled by tyrants, where anyone who simply mentions “God” is quietly removed from academic positions.

The film starts out by highlighting the relationship the story has with oppression and Communism; images of the separation of East Germany from West Germany and the building of the Berlin Wall is shown as the opening credits are edited onto signs in the archive footage (an applaudable effort by the visual effects team). A ball is accidentally kicked over the wall by a group of young boys playing football in the streets, and this foreshadows the people who are “expelled” later in the film. They too are “kicked” over the wall of oppression and their freedoms taken from them.

Ben Stein, the narrator and hero of the film, is introduced in a lecture set in the present day, where he is planning to tell his amazing story to a group of eager listeners. As Ben walks down the long corridor to present his talk, the faces and voices of the villains of the movie are seen and heard, each one arguing their position as the absolute truth, and therefore absolute law.

Ben Stein stars as the film's hero, locked in a war with SCIENCE.

Our hero talks about how freedom made America great, but how he has seen those freedoms torn down by the neo-Nazi organisation known collectively as “SCIENCE”. Over the course of the film, Ben meets in secret, the people who were kicked out of the organisation for questioning the methods used in controlling the people. Those who questioned the doctrine of Darwinism and the Dawkinsian Act (enforced to crush opponents of SCIENCE) were branded as “Intellectual Terrorists”, and forced to live in hiding from the brutal regime, their lives in ruins.

Ben’s view of the SCIENCE organisation begins to crumble, and he realises the corruption that has been hidden from the public view. Confused and scared, he visits his close friend Michael Shermer, a propaganda writer for SCIENCE, who attempts to explain the actions of SCIENCE in a purely positive way. Ben’s realisation that Shermer is just as corrupt as the leaders of SCIENCE leads to some dramatic scenes between the two friends, and ends with Shermer betraying Ben to the authorities.

Now on the run from the SCIENCE police (led by Richard Dawkins himself), Ben seeks out the resistance movement in the confusing back-alleys of Seattle. He seeks refuge with the anti-SCIENCE organisation “The Discovery Institute”, and from there sets out on his missions to bring down the evil leaders of SCIENCE.

The finale of the film comes in the confrontational encounter with the ruthless SCIENCE leader, Richard Dawkins. Ben is captured and interrogated by Dawkins, although Ben gets the upper hand in the process and forces Dawkins into a intellectual trap. The film ends with Ben escaping the clutches of SCIENCE, and pledging to tell the world about the corruption in the organisation.

This was an exciting movie, very well written, with plot twists that evenÂ M. Night Shyamalan would have trouble coming up with. It is so amazingly well done that at points I was actually convinced that this could happen in the real world, which is yet another credit to the realism the writers managed to convey in the film.

Both Ben Stein and Richard Dawkins gave fantastic performances in their roles as hero and villain respectively. I suspect an Oscar nomination might be just around the corner for such talented people; they certainly deserved one!

Overall, this movie scores 9/10. Very enjoyable.

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Heaven: The Game

Adrian Hayter — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 22:00:34 +0000

So there is a new PC game coming out called “Heaven: The Game“, made by a company called Genesis Works. It features a fully explorable version of Heaven, complete with angels, gold lined streets, and even Jesus! The website for the game (which I linked to above) is entirely flash based, and although that alone makes me want to throw my laptop across the room, the content is really even worse. Seriously, if these guys really wanted to please the Lord, how about buying a spell checker? There are spelling errors on literally each page of the site.

The game features list is ridiculous though, because it contains a load of useless references to pretty common game standards:

Animated lens flares!!!! OMG!

360 degree panning world with stereo sound? Yeah, that’s in pretty much any game with a 3D world these days. The next 3 points are all about video animation, and thus are all simply padding for the list. A “game feature” has nothing to do with how cut scenes are shown (at least in my opinion).

No idea how their 3D menu interface is unique, but it doesn’t need mentioning unless it’s as awesome as the implementation in Sauerbraten.

Animated lens flares? Seriously??? Personally, I find lens flares very annoying in video games unless you have a very good reason for them. If your character has a visor, then sure, it adds to the realism. I have no idea why anyone would be wearing a visor in Heaven though, unless you are a Christian astronaut that died whilst on a mission. Of course, that also means that when you die you don’t get to change clothes. Christian Top Tip: Wear something casual when you die…you’re stuck in it forever remember!

Same thing applies to “animated game cursors” really. It’s just not a game feature. Powerful Biblical content is though, and I reckon there could be a heck of a lot of that. The game features list really doesn’t tell me anything about the actual game, only that it has a explorable world based on Biblical heaven, and you have to complete several levels (who reckons most of them involve worshiping the almighty?).

Did anyone spot the 5 spelling errors? Answers revealed when you click the button below (JavaScript needed):