The Atheist Blogger

My God is not omnipotent, omniscient, or omnibenevolent.
My God has no Hell, no Heaven, and no plan.
My God does not judge, discriminate, or define morality.

My God is powerful, a universal force, omnipresent.
My God is Nature.

</poetry>

Blargh…dunno what came over me.

Expanded from Friendly Atheist, two poems about atheism / atheists.

I thought I saw an atheist, once, walking down the street.
I checked for horns, I checked for tail, I checked for cloven feet;
Began to tremble frightfully—my heart was in my throat—
Then sighed in happy recognition, for ‘twas but a goat.

I thought I saw an atheist, down near a swollen stream
With scaly skin, and blood so cold, I couldn’t breathe to scream!
I looked into his bulging eyes, and prayed “God, grant my wish”
Then laughed in my embarrassment—it only was a fish.

I thought I saw an atheist, with fur and pointed claws,
And wicked teeth for chewing up Judeo-Christian laws,
I ran, and tripped, and fell to earth, then hid behind a log—
It caught me, though, and licked my face—of course, it was a dog.

I thought I saw an atheist, though cleverly disguised
Not giant and reptilian, but human, normal sized,
It looked to be engaging in productive, useful labor;
But no, this was no atheist—this person was my neighbor!

I thought I saw an atheist; in fact, I saw a few!
My neighbor, and the grocer, and the cop, and maybe you!
I even found some in the church, right there beneath the steeple;
It turns out, to my great surprise… that atheists are people.

The second follows the same style, but is “remastered” to follow the recent Rob Sherman/Monique Davis debacle:

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A man by the name of Gerry Rzeppa has issued a challenge to Richard Dawkins. If Dawkins will stand with him in front of a live audience whilst Rzeppa reads aloud his new childrens book, and asks Dawkins a single question (to which Dawkins must respond), he will be given $64,000.

Seems fair enough, so why the title? Well go take a look at the chosen font used on the “author’s” website, and the one used in the very same book he wants to read to Dawkins. Honestly, it’s enough to give anyone with even bad vision a headache. The horrible scrawl makes every word a pain to decipher, but I’ve given it my best shot (to save you from straining your eyes). I’ve marked all words I’m unsure about with a (?) and given them my best shot based on the context they are in.

Hello,

My name is Gerry Rzeppa and I’ve written a short children’s book in answer to the works of Richard Dawkins. Unlike his ponderous(?) tomes, however, mine has lots of pictures, rhymes, and can be read, cover to cover, in ten minutes.

The $64,000 Question

I’m offering the doctor $64,000 of my very own money if he will join me before a live audience to answer a single question about my little poem. I’ll read the story aloud and pose the mystery query. He’ll answer and walk away with the loot. Simple as that.

Curious?

Me too. I’ll let you know if and when the challenge is accepted. In the meantime, you can read my story, for free, by clicking right here.

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