My God is powerful, a universal force, omnipresent.
My God is Nature.

</poetry>

Blargh…dunno what came over me.

Possibly Related Posts:

• “I Thought I Saw An Atheist”
• The $64,000 Headache?
• The Pledge of Allegiance
• Church of the Smashing Orangey Bit Responds to Atheist & Christian Billboards
• Atheists: The Easy Target?

I thought I saw an atheist, once, walking down the street.
I checked for horns, I checked for tail, I checked for cloven feet;
Began to tremble frightfully—my heart was in my throat—
Then sighed in happy recognition, for ‘twas but a goat.

I thought I saw an atheist, down near a swollen stream
With scaly skin, and blood so cold, I couldn’t breathe to scream!
I looked into his bulging eyes, and prayed “God, grant my wish”
Then laughed in my embarrassment—it only was a fish.

I thought I saw an atheist, with fur and pointed claws,
And wicked teeth for chewing up Judeo-Christian laws,
I ran, and tripped, and fell to earth, then hid behind a log—
It caught me, though, and licked my face—of course, it was a dog.

I thought I saw an atheist, though cleverly disguised
Not giant and reptilian, but human, normal sized,
It looked to be engaging in productive, useful labor;
But no, this was no atheist—this person was my neighbor!

I thought I saw an atheist; in fact, I saw a few!
My neighbor, and the grocer, and the cop, and maybe you!
I even found some in the church, right there beneath the steeple;
It turns out, to my great surprise… that atheists are people.

The second follows the same style, but is “remastered” to follow the recent Rob Sherman/Monique Davis debacle:

…I thought I saw an atheist, upon the witness stand
It couldn’t be! Not where I live! This is a Christian Land!
The Constitution guarantees my right to scream and shout;
As the Good Lord is my witness, I demanded “You! Get out!”

I thought I saw an atheist demand an equal voice;
I told him he could leave right now, and that could be his choice.
I said his view was dangerous–our children must not hear!
It goes against the Bible, which our government holds dear!

I thought I saw an atheist nod quietly, and sigh.
The odds were stacked against him, which no person can deny;
What happens when a person is denied his civil right?
I may have seen an atheist who’s now convinced to fight.

Both masterfully written by The Digital Cuttlefish

Possibly Related Posts:

• The $64,000 Headache?
• My God
• Why I Am Offended When Told I Am Going To Hell
• A Fundamentalist Christian Answers The Atheist Thirteen
• The Atheist Thirteen – I’ve Been Tagged!

Seems fair enough, so why the title? Well go take a look at the chosen font used on the “author’s” website, and the one used in the very same book he wants to read to Dawkins. Honestly, it’s enough to give anyone with even bad vision a headache. The horrible scrawl makes every word a pain to decipher, but I’ve given it my best shot (to save you from straining your eyes). I’ve marked all words I’m unsure about with a (?) and given them my best shot based on the context they are in.

Hello,

My name is Gerry Rzeppa and I’ve written a short children’s book in answer to the works of Richard Dawkins. Unlike his ponderous(?) tomes, however, mine has lots of pictures, rhymes, and can be read, cover to cover, in ten minutes.

The $64,000 Question

I’m offering the doctor $64,000 of my very own money if he will join me before a live audience to answer a single question about my little poem. I’ll read the story aloud and pose the mystery query. He’ll answer and walk away with the loot. Simple as that.

Curious?

Me too. I’ll let you know if and when the challenge is accepted. In the meantime, you can read my story, for free, by clicking right here.

Let’s break some of this down. Firstly, his claim that “mine has lots of pictures” is pretty loosely termed. The pictures in question are in fact a load of simple silhouettes, and although they are shown on each page, they don’t really contribute much to the story, and ruin what could otherwise be an interesting symbolic stance on the entire work. I guess he wanted everyone to know exactly what he was on about.

10 minutes is perhaps his current record at reading it, but he has probably committed it to memory. The sheer unreadability of the text, along with the awful rhymes the poet has used (referred to as “Vogon Poetry” by PZ Myers) means the entire thing can be read in about 20 minutes, minimum. You may have to read each page twice before actually understanding what the rhyme is talking about.

I doubt Dawkins will rise to the challenge. He has more than enough money to keep himself happy and many more important places to travel to that some small poetry reading. The question will evidently be something about God / religion, and I’m sure Dawkins will use a standard witty reply we have heard so many times from him.

If anything, this “challenge” is just a way for the author to get more press coverage of the book, and ironically will probably help pay off the $64,000 he would have incurred (assuming he actually has that kind of money).

Linked from Pharyngula.

Possibly Related Posts:

• The Atheist Thirteen – I’ve Been Tagged!
• “I Thought I Saw An Atheist”
• Questions Atheists CAN Answer
• Imaginary Friend – An Atheist Thriller
• Why I Am Offended When Told I Am Going To Hell