Atheists & Blasphemy
I’ve been involved in a few discussions recently over the subject of blasphemy. Not the “I don’t believe in gods” blasphemy, but the kind that people use when they are upset, angry, of even happy. I’ll give a few examples:
- “Thank God!” (usually said when happy and something has gone your way, or when you are relieved)
- “For God’s sake!” (usually said when upset/angry/frustrated)
- “Jesus Christ!” (usually said when angry)
- “Goddammit!” (usually said when angry)
- “God Bless You!” or “Bless You!” (usually said after someone sneezes)
I’m pretty sure I have said all of these at some point during my life, even as an atheist. I do try to cut down on them or substitute in more “atheistic” swears instead. The reason being that I don’t want to go around saying I am an atheist and then start swearing as if I believe in God.
I haven’t got perfect swears yet, but here are my atheist versions of the above.
- “Thank goodness!” or “Thank fuck!” (I see nothing wrong with thanking human goodness, even if it is just a vague concept. Same goes for thanking our method of reproduction/recreation)
- “For fucks sake” or “For FSM’s sake” (the latter I use mainly online since getting it into normal conversation is a bit tricky, what with the amount of syllables and the fact that nobody I seem to say it to knows what an “FSM” is.
- “Jeez” (Not the best alternative swear available I admit)
- “Darn it!” (Darning is a sowing technique, so you get double points for saying it in a situation where you have just poked a needle through your finger)
- As for the last one, I am properly confused. The whole history around the “God Bless You” statement apparently derives from people thinking that sneezing was fatal and that anyone sneezing would die. These days, even though we know that sneezing isn’t fatal, we still have to say something or it appears that we are being impolite. This presents a few problems. Changing it to “Bless You” gets rid of the God element, but the whole immaterial concept of blessing is still in play. It seems obvious that this should too be removed. Unfortunately this leads to some bizarre conversations.
Person: *Aaaaachoooo*
Me: You!
Person: Eh? Me?
Me: Have a nice day! *walks off*
Person: ???
So what do other atheists think of the whole blasphemy thing? What atheist alternatives does everyone else have? Do you use them all the time or do you occasionally slip back into God-mode? Is there a practical response to sneezing that doesn’t relate to superstition?
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Bless you is the one I can’t avoid. I hope somebody has a valid alternative. There was that Seinfeld episode where Jerry suggested “you are so good-looking” after someone sneezes. I don’t think I could pull that off.
skinman
29 Aug 08 at 6:20 pm (GMT)
“Gesundheit” is a pretty good replacement for “Bless you”. In fact, I thought it was pretty common place already.
And “Damnit!” (without the god prefix) is probably more than acceptable as a secular curse. Just as you’re not asking a deity to do the damning for you.
Where damnit isn’t quite strong enough there are plenty of Anglo-Saxon alternatives. :-)
But, personally, I don’t worry too much about using the term “god” in my cursing. It’s just a harmless part of the culture I inhabit.
Matt M
29 Aug 08 at 6:30 pm (GMT)
A friend of mine said “Goblahen” when someone sneezed… basically he just made a word up that sounds similar to “god bless you”.
Personally I’ve just stopped saying anything (unless I’m in a meeting with the boss at work or someplace like that). We don’t say anything when people hiccup or burp or fart or blink or cough or any other normal bodily function, so why bother when they sneeze?
Darsh
29 Aug 08 at 6:42 pm (GMT)
Well “Jesus Christ!” is usually said when someone is surprised rather than when angry. In those situations I usually exclaim “Holy Fuck!” or “Fucking Hell”.
“Goddammit!” can easily be replaced with the funier “Doggonit” or the more atheistic “Goulddammit”.
Personally I prefer to replace it with “Bollocks!” which is a nice British curse ;)
I also love “Zeus Damnit” or “Zeus is fucked”. I don’t know exactly how the last one came about in Greek but it’s quite accurate when you consider how much of it that god did ;)
“God Bless You!” once again, Gould to the rescue. “Gould Bless you”. “Gesundheit” as others mentioned is quite appropriate and you can always try what I say (mostly in greek) “Be well” or “Hatsee!”.
PS: “Jeez”? “Darn”? Did you come out of a Hanna Barbera cartoon? :P
db0
29 Aug 08 at 6:43 pm (GMT)
Great post. As far as people sneezing, I usually use “Salud”, pronounced saw-lood. It’s Spanish for “health” or “good health”. Nothing mystical or supernatural about it. Just wishing somebody good health after they expel some snot from their schnoz :)
Ryan
29 Aug 08 at 7:11 pm (GMT)
You!
I like that one. I’m going to try it sometime.
Oliver
29 Aug 08 at 8:05 pm (GMT)
I say nothing. I can’t stand it when people say “God bless you” because it makes no sense. Replacing it with “Gesundheit” is an obvious attempt to say something that means nothing (to English-speaking people). Why are we expected to say something when we fart, say nothing when we cough, and demand others say something when we sneeze? The world is crazy!
ekted
29 Aug 08 at 8:18 pm (GMT)
When someone sneezes I say ‘Good one!’
Well, I say it if in fact it was a good one, that is. Otherwise, bupkis.
Brent Rasmussen
29 Aug 08 at 8:55 pm (GMT)
I like:
Oh my science
Science damn you
Thank science
Science bless you
etc, etc.
DP
30 Aug 08 at 3:42 am (GMT)
I used to say Gesundheit when someone sneezed. Now I usually say nothing at all. I don’t like it when people say something after I sneeze, especially if they interrupt their conversation to do it. To me, it just seems more polite to simply pretend it didn’t happen.
Eric Haas
30 Aug 08 at 4:48 am (GMT)
For sneezing, why should we feel compelled to say something to them except, “Did you get any on me?” I have come to the decision that it should be the sneezing person excusing himself (for the noise, if any, for spewing germs and other particles, etc.). When I sneeze, I excuse myself. I do not otherwise acknowledge a sneeze at all.
Scott G.
30 Aug 08 at 6:10 am (GMT)
Yeah, I have never understood this whole “bless you” business. I don’t require anyone to say something to me after I sneeze. In fact, I would prefer if things carried on as if I hadn’t.
In Germany they say “Gesundheit”, which is an improvement since it has nothing to do with supernatural beings, however it is considered very impolite not to thank anyone who says it to you. So not only is the conversation interrupted by your sneeze and their “Gesundheit”, but also by your obligation to thank them for saying it.
Oh and your darning bit made me laugh.
I have no problem using God in my blasphemes because I live in a predominately Christian culture and I am obviously influenced by it. I don’t think it has any relevance to whether I believe or not.
amiable
30 Aug 08 at 1:39 pm (GMT)
“dang-gar-rooney”…
mikeg
30 Aug 08 at 4:01 pm (GMT)
“Jeez” isn’t really a good alternative if you’re trying to avoid using religious terms. I’m pretty sure it’s just a shortening of “Jesus”. Instead, I tend to say “holy crap”.
As for what to say after someone sneezes, why say anything? After all, it’s a natural function. There are no demons getting into them, and I still don’t understand why someone who’s non-ordained would be very effective as a blesser.
You could congratulate them for successfully clearing their nasal passages of irritants, but that would just be weird. Besides, we don’t have any rituals for after someone uses the bathroom, or spits, or blows their nose.
Anyway, I don’t think I’ll ever rid myself of saying “goddammit”. It’s either that, or scream “motherfucker!” really loud.
Bevans
30 Aug 08 at 5:06 pm (GMT)
To DP: The problem with those is that it makes other people think you’re worshiping science in the same way that they’re worshiping their god(s).
Bevans
30 Aug 08 at 5:08 pm (GMT)
When someone sneezes and looks at me expectantly for a response, I usually take the good-sentiments route and say “don’t die”.
Sondra
30 Aug 08 at 8:00 pm (GMT)
I use the Spanish “Salud” as well, when I feel obligated to say something. If they’re a multi-sneezer, I usually wait and ask if they’re done instead of saying anything polite.
I do find that if you excuse yourself quickly afterward, it prevents somebody from imposing their god’s blessings upon you.
Wrathernaut
31 Aug 08 at 3:53 pm (GMT)
This doesn’t bother me much anymore, but I do try to be aware of being hypocritical. Living in the southern US, where jesus is in your face 24/7, people throw god into everyday phrases quite often, and they really mean it. I usually say gesundheit only after a woman, a child, or an older person sneezes (above-mentioned southern thing) and salud as a polite toast with wine. I also say “see you in hell” before slamming shots of tequilla, but I don’t believe in that either.
I still can’t let go of goddammit, particularly for its blasphemous charm and usually say “jesus fuckin’ H christ” for the same reason. There was a time when “christ on a crackpipe!” was hip among the heathens. On a more general note, thanks for this website. Didn’t find you until you were Dugg but got it bookmared now.
daver
1 Sep 08 at 12:38 pm (GMT)
In portugal it is similar to what Wrathernaut is talking about. Everytime someone sneezes, we say “Saúde” (Salud, or health), and no deity is summoned.
Luis Dias
1 Sep 08 at 2:01 pm (GMT)
*sneeze*
Salud
*sneeze*
Dinero
*sneeze*
Amor
That’s usually how I try to play that. Health, Wealth, Love (give or take). Now if they do it again I say “Wow!” and just laugh it off.
Francisco
4 Sep 08 at 2:34 pm (GMT)
Whenever someone around me sneezes I just say “sneeze you”. I’ve been saying it for years so its just as natural as “bless you” is for most people. I even say “sneeze me” after I sneeze so if someone says “bless you” to me I usually don’t hear it over my own “sneeze me”.
“Oh my fuck” works pretty well instead of “oh my god”.
I still say “god damnit” and “jesus christ” but sometimes I’ll say “cheese and rice” instead of “jesus christ”, it rhymes, its just not vulgar.
muffin
5 Sep 08 at 9:33 pm (GMT)
I don’t know…I use all these expressions, secular and theist alike. They really hold no meaning for me as an atheist except that they get the point across that I’m happy/surprised/mad/etc. I look at it the same way I look at “God” on money. I don’t care if it’s there, as long as the stuff is useful.
Ryan
7 Sep 08 at 2:17 am (GMT)